More Than a Single Mind
What if there’s more to the mind than an endless monologue with itself. What if the mind is made up of a collective of uniquely interesting individual parts. What if central to this, there is a ‘self’ that is able to provide a leadership that listens and responds with confidence and compassion, to the collective, and to each of its parts.
What if I asked you to imagine all of this,? I bet at least part of you could, and perhaps another part of you would feel skeptical… It would be very interesting to hear what each of these parts had to say. If there is a part of you is interested, read on, or check out Richard Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems.
To protect ourselves from pain, we hide our fears, guilt, anger, shame, and other rejected emotions deep within our minds. Within this exile, they are managed, hidden, controlled and silenced. However, when triggered by life events, these feeling may rise up toward the surface, so we try to escape by running, hiding and numbing ourselves with alcohol, drugs, food, self harming, porn etc.
No mater what we do, our hidden emotions will wait patiently for us, so that when we stop running and hiding and when whatever we’ve numbed ourselves with wears off, they resurface. They don’t want us to suffer, they simply need us to listen… Not just hear, but feel, and be there with courage, compassion and curiosity.
In this, there is an opportunity for the inner ‘self’ to take a responsible role; to be “the I within the storm” as Richard Schwartz would say. Metaphorically speaking, in this, the self is like the parent, and the ‘hidden’ emotions are like the children who need to be loved, heard and nurtured as individuals, so that they may become an important member of the internal family of the mind.
Other members of this family include parts who play the role of managing difficult emotions, keeping them hidden, out of sight and controlled. There are also parts that put out emotional flames by dousing them with whatever numbs their pain, and these are also important parts of this internal family.
When the ‘self’ leads, it is neither judgmental, accusative, demanding, manipulative or controlling. Instead, it respects and values each part for its individualities, sees its qualities, compassionately nurtures its weaknesses, and fully recognises its contribution (as well as the specific sacrifices it has made).
If the self can fulfil a leadership role, then trust is built and harmony returns. Each part can gradually let go; stop managing, defending, denying and hiding. There can be freedom for each part of the the mind, to be as it’s meant to be, and when this takes place, life changes all by itself.
When the ‘self’ is in control, there’s no need for strategy, chasing dreams, making up stories, or involving ourselves in any other activity we may use to control or manipulate the emotions within our minds. Within a harmonious mind, there is no need. When we are in such pursuits, it’s most likely that we are aligning with our ‘manager’ parts, and allowing them to lead instead of the ‘self’.
Only when the self takes a responsible role, may we reconnect with all of our parts and see our true calling emerge. If you feel some of this resonate with any part of you, or if you feel somewhere within yourself that you want to renegotiate with these parts; to listen and help them reconnect, it’s never too late to be a good parent to yourself….